what i live for
by this again
Summary: if this almighty God didn't give us a happiness & peace in our last life, what makes you think we'll get it in the next? we exist here now, flooded by horrible memories we cling to to remind us how unfair life is. i don't care if i'm never reborn human agian. a water flea has less to worry about. but that's assuming i'll give in & be oblitherated. i refuse. i'm going to fight.


**xxx Amaya Atsumi**

"So where are you taking me?" I ask excitedly.

Simon just smiles down at me as I cling lightly to his arm. It's official.

Today is our one month anniversary.

"Now if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now would it Aya?" he responds.

"I guess not," I pout as I play with the hem of my red and black checkered baby doll dress. "But can I at least have a hint?"

"Not a chance," he says as he leads me down the sidewalk.

"Come on," I pry. "Isn't this the part where you're supposed to cave in because you can't stand to see your girlfriend pout?"

He just rolls his eyes and leads me down to the banks of the river Seine.

"Why would I spoil a perfectly good surprise when it stands not two feet in front of you?"

I tear my eyes away from him to see a small private boat sitting in the banks of the river, with the water reflecting the bright warm colors of the setting sun.

"You know," I say playfully as I turn back to him. "Normally I'd find this whole situation over the top and a little cliché, but you've somehow made this actually seem romantic...Kudos!"

"Thanks," he says sarcastically. "Now come on, I promise this is going to be a night you'll _never_ forget."

I smile up at him and allow him to help me onto the boat, and within minutes we're cruising along the smooth glassy water with the lights of Paris twinkling merrily around us.

The interior is dimly lit and as I collapse on the white leather couches I can't help but feel a tingling sensation in my stomach.

I shake my head quickly as Simon sits down behind me and pours me a glass of champagne. I lick my lips nervously before taking a quick sip.

I'm normally not nervous around him, but…the champagne…the dim lights…and being alone with him in the middle of a river…is really beginning to make me a bit jumpy.

I force myself to breathe as he slings his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer into him.

It's ok. I'm ok.

I'm the heir of one of Japan's most powerful martial arts clans. I can throw a man twice my height and weight over my shoulder and through a wall.

I can handle this.

Simon sets down his champagne glass on the polished wood coffee table and picks up a small thin remote.

He presses a button and soft music begins floating through the speakers hidden around the room.

In all honesty, I'm terrified right now. I've been dating Simon for a month.

He's given all my weird hobbies a chance and gone with me to tons of expos and concerts, but he hasn't even once tried to kiss me.

I bite my lips again and tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear.

Will he finally do it tonight?

"It's beautiful here," I whisper, not really knowing what to say.

I want to get a conversation going…but it seems so much harder than usual. One of the things I had really liked about Simon was that I could be myself around him.

I could speak my mind and not be judged. And he sympathized with me. He stood up for me and supported me in school.

I really do like him. And I might even love him.

"It's not mine though," he confesses as I rest my head on his shoulder. "I'm borrowing it from Louis, and since it is a special occasion, he obliged without much of a problem."

"That's really sweet of him," I say with a weak smile.

I don't really like Louis. Just something about him seems predatory, with his washed out, narrow gray eyes. But he's Simon's best friend, so I try to get along with him.

"He doesn't like to share his more impressive toys…" Simon trails off as he leans in towards me. "But you're worth compromising for."

I swallow the lump in my throat as his lips inch closer to mine. Ok, this is it.

I let my eyes flutter closed and lean in to meet him.

But just as I can feel his breath brush my lips there's a loud vibrating noise.

I lean back in disappointment as he goes to grab his cell phone off the coffee table. My blood freezes when I see the caller ID.

Nicolette.

He tries to hide it and I act like I don't see it.

"Excuse me for a minute," he says as he gets to his feet. "I'll go set up for dinner outside."

"Alright," I mutter as I pull myself to my feet. "I'll be right there."

I walk around the table and over to the small flight of stairs that lead up to the second floor of the boat, stopping only when I find the bathroom.

I twist the lock and sit down on the rim of the tub.

Why was Simon's ex-girlfriend calling him in the middle of our anniversary party?

Was she hoping by now he'd be sick of me and ready to take her back?

The thing that scares me is…that could totally happen.

Nicolette is a perfect plastic Barbie doll. And compared to her, I may as well be a Bleeding Edge Goth doll.

But I have one thing going for me that she doesn't. I don't have a soul that's pretty much a toxic waste dumping ground.

Everyone hates her, and while I'm not anyone's ideal friend (I'm pretty much the school freak), I don't walk all over them like dirt.

I bite my lips as I look up into the mirror and fiddle with my pale blond hair nervously, running my fingers through my spiral curls to loosen them up and show off my multicolored highlights.

It's all going to be ok. It's not like her hate can kill me right?

I smile at my reflection and turn to leave as the orangey rays of sun fade into a velvety purple blue.

I walk over to the window to draw the curtains when I see it.

For reasons unclear to me, the designer of this boat has a window in this bathroom that overlooks the deck.

And amidst the glowing lights and party streamers, Nicolette, in all her Prom Barbie glory, is hanging all over my boyfriend.

My knuckles pop as I clench my fists.

How did she even get on this boat?!

I throw open the door and stalk down the stairs as quietly as my rage allows.

My fingers curl around the stem of my still full champagne glass as I sweep past the coffee table. I hide it behind the folds of my skirt as I step behind the curtain that separates me from the deck.

Their voices drift over towards my hiding place.

"You almost ruined everything by calling me earlier," I hear Simon say in a stern voice. "This whole night could have been ruined and it would be all on you."

"Sorry," Nicolette whines. "But I just wanted to talk to you."

I can practically hear the pout in her voice.

"Well you have," Simon snaps. "Now get out of here before she sees you."

"Oh she saw," I drawl as I saunter out onto the deck. "Care to explain this all to me? I seem to be missing something here."

Nicolette's eyes widen a fraction of an inch before a Cheshire grin spreads across her carefully sculpted lips.

"Isn't it obvious?" she says as she wraps her arms around Simon. "We're here for the party."

"We?"

The word barely leaves my mouth before a bunch of rustling and flashing lights cause me to spin around.

There are probably thirteen other kids peeking out from windows above us and hiding on various places on the deck.

"What's going on?" I demand as I turn back to Nicolette and Simon.

"Well you see they're here to commemorate our breakup," Simon says tonelessly.

I stiffen. My eyes widen as he snakes his arms around Nicolette and kisses her neck. I try to swallow the bile that rises in my throat.

"B-breakup?" I stammer. "You're dumping me?"

Simon smirks at me from over Nicolette's head as I advance on him slowly. My throat goes dry and I bite my lip so hard I taste my own blood.

"Why?" I ask in a more level voice than I thought I could manage. "I thought you liked me."

"I'm a very convincing actor aren't I?" he gloats as he flips his hair. "Though I will admit, this was the hardest part I've ever played. You defiantly made this a challenge for me. Though I almost fooled myself for a minute back there in the lounge."

"Yes," I snap as I bite back the pressure building behind my eyes. "I'll remember to nominate you for an Oscar next time they roll around."

"Don't take this personal," he sighs dramatically. "It was all in good fun."

"Oh I understand," I say as I slink towards them. "All fun and games right? Well don't exclude me."

And with that I snap my arm forward, dousing the both of them with a shower of sticky champagne.

"There, no harm no foul."

"YOU BITCH!" Nicolette screeches. "THIS WAS A ONE OF A KIND DIOR!

"Here…take all the fucks I give," I spit as I up-end the rest of my glass on her perfect honey blond hair.

"I can't believe you'd go this far to try and steal MY boyfriend!" Nicolette shrieks at me.

"Sorry cupcake, but it was your boyfriend who dumped you and asked me out," I retaliate.

"When are you going to get it through your thick head Amaya?" Simon spits as he pushes Nicolette behind him. "I never liked you!"

I feel a pang rack my body at those words, but I bite my lip to white out the emotional pain with physical pain.

"So everything was a lie," I whisper. "Then why did you ask me out?"

"I'm afraid that was my doing," a nasally voice speaks up. "I had bet him five hundred euros that he couldn't stand to date you for a month."

My hatred for Louis deepened as he zoomed his camera in on my face.

"Why don't you go ahead and cry huh?" he taunts. "Give us a good show."

My chest aches and tears are pushing past my lashes of their own accord. I can only feel a pang of self-loathing as I hear the laughing and the jeers coming from all around me.

That's it.

"All right, you want a show?" I ask in a voice weighed down by hate and anger. "Then watch closely."

I take a deep breath and an icy calm that comes with the thrill of battle pours over me like warm honey. My emotions take a backseat in my mind…and all I know is I want them to suffer.

I want to make them regret they decided to do this to me.

When I open my eyes again all is silent. They've all stopped laughing and are watching me as I slip off my red and black Iron Fist heels and pull my hair into a ponytail. Now who do I take out first?

Nicolette.

Before anyone can blink I push off the deck floor, and flip over Simon and Nicolette, planting my hand on the crown of the former's head to control my landing.

Nicolette squeals like a pig as I drive my knuckles deep into the depression right behind her shoulder sockets.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" she yells as she stares down at her arms in horror. "I CAN'T LIFT MY ARMS!"

"Good," I growl as I shove her aside. "Then it worked."

She hits the floor with a thud and I turn back to Simon, who's trying to back away from me.

The uncertainty and fear that clouds his eyes makes me giddy. A maniacal laugh breaks through my lips as he tries to run.

I catch him as he tries to shove aside the curtains that separate the deck from the lounge and throw him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

He lands hard on his back, and I kick him onto his stomach as he gasps for air. I plant my foot in the middle of his back and pull his arms back, digging my nails into the tender flesh of his wrists.

He yelps in pain and I smile.

"You chose the wrong girl to screw around with," I cackle.

And with that I yank his arm back while pushing my foot harder into his back. There's a horrible snapping and popping noise that seems like music to my ears and by now, everyone around me is screaming and dropping cameras.

"Get her!" some girl shrieks.

Let them come. Like they can do anything to me.

Simon withers in pain at my feet and I hoist him up by the collar of his shirt. He's taller than me, so his legs drag behind him a bit. He tries to twist away from me, his eyes wide and streaming with tears.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," I whisper in his ear before dropping him like a stone.

As he hits the floor, something large and blunt collides with the side of my head.

I drop to the floor, dazed and confused.

"YOU CRAZY BITCH!" Louis screams as he slams the fire extinguisher into the side of my head again.

I can't think straight, and when I raise a shaky hand to my temple, it comes away bloody.

Another blow and I'm on my back.

My vision begins to blur and I can't move. I can't hear out of my right ear, and my jaw aches. Blood from the gnash on my temple pours into my eye, which is swelling shut.

"Oh my god…." Some girl sobs. "H-her head's caved in!"

I can faintly feel someone's finger probe the skin at the base of my neck as I struggle to breathe.

"You killed her," a boy's voice says. "Her pulse is barely there. She'll be dead any minute."

"I-I-I-" I hear that nasally voice stammers.

"Just get rid of the body," I hear Simon say in a quivering voice. "We're on a river aren't we?"

The last thing I feel are strange arms around me before water closes over my head and fills my lungs.

**xxx Yuki Williams**

I never really got along with people, I hated parties and liked to be left alone most of the time.

I was home schooled after I got expelled for 'violence' issues.

I'm not usually the type to put people in hospitals but I just can't stand humanity. I never had a friend because I couldn't deal with them, never had a boyfriend because I was fine on my own, and I preferred rain over sunshine.

The only person I was ever close to was my mother, my dad up and left.

I never got along with my father; therefore I wasn't sad when he abandoned us when I was 8.

He was always yelling, about everything, always. My mother, however, was an angel.

She had the sweetest voice and smile, everyone who met her loved her. I loved her so much, and she did everything she could to protect me.

My grandparents were socialites, high-class celebrities.

They always wanted a granddaughter but not one like me.

I was forced into dresses and pushed in crowds to meet other high-class snobs.

On one occasion I was out in the courtyard minding my own business when some girls came up to me. They started bickering about god knows what, I had learned to tune people out at young age. Next thing I knew I was being held underwater, it's odd I don't remember walking to the pond.

My grandparents hated me after 'the incident' they moved my mother and I to Japan and kicked us out of beautiful Britain.

There was a newspaper clipping the day I left; two girls severely injured and one in critical condition.

I got 'that' trait from my father, it was the only thing that I had of his, I looked nothing like him otherwise.

I got very violent when I felt physically threatened and had a tendency to 'blank out' where I don't think…I just do.

I really liked Britain so I was crushed when I had to leave the beautiful country side. The people were a lot nicer in Japan though, not like the noble snobs back home.

My mother caught an epidemic and wasn't used to the Japanese diseases, she fell ill very fast.

It was around the time I was 13, and ended up dying a year later. It had a faint smell of silver too, or maybe that was just the blood.

It was snowing outside on the day of her funeral. My mother was born into the noble class, but my grandparents abhorred us.

They cursed my mother and thought I was a devil child, even though we had done nothing wrong. After the funeral they discarded me at a mental hospital.

When I arrived, I didn't have many belongings on me, I wore a black dress that went down to my knees, snow boots, and I had my mother's locket.

My grandparents filled out some paperwork and left immediately, I could hear my grandmother celebrating before she even left the place.

Once the doors closed to the big entrance…that was the last I saw of daylight for a long time.

I lived in a white cell with nothing but a cot in it.

I had no pillow or blankets, nothing. The nurses fed me once a day, I got one bath every 2 weeks, and I got some old snow boots because my old ones cut off my circulation and almost caused me to lose a foot.

It was that institution that drove me insane.

Wouldn't you go crazy after 3 years in a cell with nothing in it, and the last thing you saw on the outside was your dead mother being thrown into a dirt pit?

The only good thing was that I learned to control the 'blanking out' a lot better, I was now aware of what was happening.

I was being tested on even more and I got a brain scan more often than a bath.

Nothing was wrong with my brain at all, from what the doctors could tell I was completely normal.

I became more violent after that, the more they tested the more complicated I made their job. The doctors decided on a different approach to try to 'repair' me after being fed up with my shit.

I didn't know what was going to happen, and I didn't really care.

If I died that was ok, I didn't have anything to live for anyways.

I was wearing the same dress I arrived in, the old snow boots (that one of the other patients probably died in), and the only good thing I had was my locket when I died.

My mother's picture was in it, there came a point where I couldn't open it anymore, it was too painful.

The room they took me to was unkempt, with bloodstains, urine, and vomit decorating the icy white tile.

Despite its appearance it smelled like a clean doctor's office, that specific smell that always sends a shiver up your spine.

The man who killed me looked like an alien.

He wore all white, his face was covered, and the only 'human' part about him I could make out were his eyes, they were pitch black.

I could hear the snapping of his rubber gloves and the squeaking of his boots. He was abnormally tall and big, like Frankenstein.

I couldn't resist whatever was coming; I was strapped down in a chair.

I was pale, weak, and had dark circles under my eyes.

I saw him raise a long needle to my eye and a small hammer.

Before he tapped the long needle into my eye I heard was my mother's voice coming from a distance.

_"I love you little one, you have been such a good girl, you've make me so proud."_

_**Plink**_

**~Author's Notes~**

**thanks for reading everyone! Krystal had some trouble with writing Aya's story and when I reviewed it I loved that she had a goth doll reference ;) I have a really easy time writing death scenes so chances are I will struggle a little more with the romance :\ I really hoped you liked it!**

**Viva Revolution,**

**Ember**

**yes, thank you Ember...it's not that i hade trouble with her story. for those of you who've read my ouran fic open your heart to me (staring aya) then you know a bit more about Simon and Nicolette and all that. i just couldn't write SimonXAya. i swear i was gonna gag so many times _just_ during that short scene. anyways, thanks for reading! we hope to see you again next chapter!**

**Lotsa love,**

**Krystal **


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